I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
