He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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