I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
