you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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