the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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