i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
