Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
