She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
