In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i drank out of a bidet.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
