but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
