I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
