I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Are my feet made of real feet?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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