he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
