Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she peed on how many people?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
