ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
