They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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