omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
