doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
