I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
