I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm having to shit out rocks
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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