I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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