Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
