I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
