i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
