i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
