Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
