Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My vagina just clenched in fear
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
