I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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