Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
