i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
