I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
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You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
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I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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