There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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