I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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