I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
