I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
