dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
