I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Let's paint friendship bongs
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
