that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
