bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
