The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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