I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
