we're blogging at a bar
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
