You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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