feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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