I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
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it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize