he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
