turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
How's work?
Spinning.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
