So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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