Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
