at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
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Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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