This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
