so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
