i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
