my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
