How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
