Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
