So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
