White coat. Heels.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
