I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
