The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
