Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
