Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
