My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
