I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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