she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
