6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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