I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
