I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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