everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
