my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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