when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
