We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
