he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
