Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
