So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize