Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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