I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
