Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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