did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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