big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
